10 Ways to Love Yourself After Baby Loss

10 Ways to Love Yourself After Loss

Loving ourselves after loss doesn’t come naturally. The pain is all-consuming, the grief is heavy, and the person we were before feels like a stranger. Still, in the middle of this heartbreak, we need gentle, compassionate ways to care for ourselves.

Here are 10 ways to love yourself after loss—things I’ve learned on my own journey and from walking alongside other grieving moms.

1. Allow Yourself to Be Human

You don’t have to “hold it all together.” Let yourself grieve. Cry. Scream. Sit in silence. Talk it out. There is scientific evidence that tears are healing—and your tears matter. Grief is not linear. It’s okay to bounce between stages and emotions.

2. Lower Expectations

Life will never be the same—and it shouldn’t be. Give yourself permission to be “off the hook” for responsibilities you used to carry. You don’t have the same capacity right now. Let others step up, and let yourself rest.

3. Set Boundaries

This is your healing season. Protect your space by saying no to unwanted visitors, endless calls or texts, and triggering events like pregnancy announcements or baby showers. If you can’t say it yourself, ask your partner or best friend to communicate boundaries for you.

4. Nourish Your Mind and Body

Your body and brain need care. Focus on the basics: food, movement, sleep, and sun. These small but powerful things can anchor you in grief. For me, sitting outside with coffee in the morning sun, followed by a short walk, became a daily ritual that brought just enough light back in.

5. Care for Your Postpartum Body

Even without a baby in your arms, your body has still gone through birth. You deserve postpartum care. Pay attention to your healing—diastasis recti, pelvic floor, lactating breasts, bleeding, clotting, and shifting hormones. A care plan honors your body’s strength and needs.

6. Get a Therapist (Always)

Therapy is not optional—it’s essential. Whether it’s in person or telehealth while you’re curled up in bed, having someone hold space for you without judgment can be life-changing. Even if you don’t want to talk, their presence matters.

7. Get a Haircut

Yes, this one might sound small or even silly. But after birth—after loss—a haircut can feel revolutionary. A fresh cut can bring back a sense of self, beauty, and strength. I joke about chopping it into a bob, but truly, this is about reclaiming a little bit of you.

8. Journal Through the Pain

Journaling is one of the oldest and most powerful healing tools. Buy a beautiful new notebook and pen, and just write. There’s no right or wrong way—just let the words flow. Over time, your journals become a memory book and a witness to your healing journey. Looking back years later, I’ve seen just how far I’ve come.

9. Accept (and Ask For) Help

This one is hard. But you don’t need to do it all. Allow others to love you through action: meals, childcare, errands, cleaning, or simply sitting with you. If they don’t know what to do, guide them. Sometimes asking is the bravest act of self-love.

10. Find a Healthy Distraction

Sometimes grief is too heavy, and you need a break. I call this “taking a vacation from your grief.” For me, it was holiday decorating—I love it, and it gave my heart space to breathe. For you, it might be shopping, baking, or a creative project. You’re not dishonoring your baby by taking breaks. They’ll always be with you.

Loving yourself after loss doesn’t mean you stop grieving. It means you give your heart, body, and mind the space to heal and grow around the grief. It means choosing compassion for yourself when the world feels unbearable.

You are worthy of rest. You are worthy of healing. And you are worthy of love—even from yourself.

Sending love, always,
Vallen 💛

Looking for more tools to help you heal? Visit the Evelyn James Shop for journals, affirmation cards, remembrance gifts, and resources created to support families after loss. You don’t have to walk this path alone.

💛 Stay Connected + Resources

✨Listen or Share the Podcast, The Pregnancy Loss and Motherhood Podcast

✨ Follow me on Instagram: @evelynjamesandco

✨ Visit the Evelyn James Shop: evelynjames.shop – beautiful, intentional items for grief, healing, and motherhood

✨ Explore our trainings + support resources: evelynjamesandco.com

✨ Grab your Bōdhi Jumper from IMBŌDHI: imbodhi.co/VALLEN31986 – $15 OFF!

Thank you for being here. You’re still here. And that’s everything. 💛

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💼 Sponsor Shoutout

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