Boundaries for Parents After Loss
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Boundaries for Parents After Loss
After losing a baby, the last thing you need is to feel overburdened by well-meaning people trying to help. You’ve already lost control over so much, and it can feel like your life is spiraling. In the initial shock, most parents don’t have the capacity to tell anyone what they want or need. Often, you may even feel like a burden if you do ask for help—or feel uncomfortable with the help being offered.
This is where boundaries come in.
Boundaries aren’t walls to push people away; they’re the loving guardrails that keep you from being swallowed by overwhelm. From my own experience, I can tell you that one of the most helpful things you can do is choose a trusted support person to be your “gatekeeper.” This person can direct visitors, gifts, and messages, taking that emotional labor off your shoulders.
Here are 9 practical ways to set the boundaries you’ll need in early grief and beyond.
1. Decide on Visitors Together
Talk with your partner or significant other about what you want when it comes to visitors—especially in the hospital. Do you want immediate family only? Friends later? No one at all? Remember: you can change your mind at any time. Grief changes moment to moment, and so can your needs.
2. Set Up a Meal Train
Food is a huge help, but surprise visits are not. A meal train ensures you know who is coming, when, and what they’re bringing. It keeps things organized and eliminates the stress of unexpected knocks at the door.
3. Create a Helpers List
If someone is coming over, have them sign up for a task that actually helps—whether it’s laundry, dishes, or walking the dog. This is still a boundary: you’re setting expectations and channeling support into what’s truly needed.
4. Use a Notebook Hack
Asking for help can feel impossible. Keep a notebook and pen in a visible spot. Write down your needs for the day—groceries, cleaning, errands—and let family or friends check it themselves. No direct asking required.
5. Excuse Yourself Without Explanation
If you’re overwhelmed or anxious, you can simply step away. You don’t owe anyone a reason. This is your grief, your healing, your time. No one has the right to be offended.
6. Change Your Mind
You are allowed to cancel visitors, appointments, or commitments at the last minute. Your healing matters more than anyone else’s expectations.
7. Don’t Take on Other People’s Grief
You are not responsible for comforting or managing anyone else’s emotions right now. Your grief is enough. Protect your energy and let others process theirs without adding to your load.
8. Handle Drop-Ins With Direction
If someone shows up unannounced, it’s okay to redirect them. Assign them a helpful task—or kindly thank them and send them on their way. You do not need to entertain.
9. Protect Your Children’s Routines
If you have other kids, set up a childcare chart with babysitters, family, or friends helping with school drop-offs, pickups, and activities. Knowing your children are cared for gives you one less thing to carry.
Boundaries after loss aren’t selfish—they’re survival. They give you the space to grieve in the way you need, without unnecessary pressure or noise. Remember: you don’t owe anyone access to your time, your home, or your emotions. You owe yourself the kindness of protection.
Sending you love and permission to put yourself and your family first,
Vallen 💛
💛 Stay Connected + Resources
✨Listen or Share the Podcast, The Pregnancy Loss and Motherhood Podcast
✨ Follow me on Instagram: @evelynjamesandco
✨ Visit the Evelyn James Shop: evelynjames.shop – beautiful, intentional items for grief, healing, and motherhood
✨ Explore our trainings + support resources: evelynjamesandco.com
✨ Grab your Bōdhi Jumper from IMBŌDHI: imbodhi.co/VALLEN31986 – $15 OFF!
Thank you for being here. You’re still here. And that’s everything. 💛
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💼 Sponsor Shoutout
This episode is brought to you in partnership with Imbodhi—the brand behind the one outfit I wear every single week. Yes, I said it… an adult onesie—and honestly, I’m not even embarrassed about it.
Their Bōdhi Jumper is my go-to as a work-from-home mom, postpartum doula, podcast host, grief-walker, and snack carrier. It’s soft, supportive, ethically made, and actually cute. Like, wear-it-outside-the-house cute.
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Looking for more compassionate tools to guide your grief journey? Visit the Evelyn James Shop for journals, remembrance gifts, and healing resources designed for families after loss. You are not alone.